My Grandmother is Dying

Yesterday I received the call that my grandmother doesn't have much time left here with us. She's been in hospice for many weeks now. While not in pain, her body is filled with disease and infections. It's time.

I find myself at a loss this morning. My grandma loved me. She still calls me Jessakins and tells me I'm a good kid. I gave up mentioning that 40 is not that far away for this grown-up.

There are many things I remember sweetly about my time with Grandma. Like how she had a big organ in her living room and always let me play LOUDLY. Then my mother would come quietly by and turn down the knobs. Why was that?!

I remember the year she hid my Easter chocolates. Problem was, she couldn't remember where she hid them. We finally found them, in the ceiling light fixture...melted. Although distressing to see little bunnies with deformed heads, they still tasted delicious.

I remember holiday meals in her little family room. I always had to sit on the organ bench and my brother got a three legged stool that left him looking like a dwarf in Snow White's cottage. The roast was dry, but her intentions were good.

She couldn't cook for anything. She loved to tell the story about how she got all A's except home economics, which she failed. She had a cross-stitch sampler hanging in her kitchen that read, "You'll know dinner's ready when the smoke alarm rings." She didn't make the sampler, either. She couldn't cross stitch. But unlike women of today who feel guilty (like me) when they don't look like Kate Hudson, cook like Giada, and keep house like Martha Stewart, she was ok with just being herself. My grandpa used to chide her for things. She smiled and then ignored him about it.

I think precisely because my Grandmother had no real idea what to do with a home, Grandma's house held so many fun times. We were given lots of freedom to just explore. We could sit on her back steps and spit watermelon seeds wherever we wanted. She let me hang on her laundry lines and pretend they were the uneven bars and I was Mary Lou Retten. Her great big willow tree was perfect for swinging and during the winters she would flood the ground beneath it creating a beautiful pond for skating just for us.

Now, Grandma's mind is failing her. She doesn't always remember how many boys we have. She remembers that we've adopted, but I'm not sure she remembers her name or where she's from or why we went. She misses her husband. It's time to go. And while I know that this is God being gracious, I know that I will miss her smile and her soft chuckle and the way she cheated at Dominoes.

I don't know what heaven will be like, but I hope there's a big wrap around porch on my Father's house. Just like the farmhouse where she grew up. And I hope for all of our sakes she's not in charge of the heavenly feast.

I love you, Grandma.

True Confessions from G...

"I don't know what gluten is...but I sure do miss it."

M's Starting Speech Therapy

Sweet and silly M is finally starting speech therapy tomorrow. It's been a long process to make this happen, but the time is right. With a year to adjust to our crazy crew and the complicated English language, M is still quite slow to speak English.

Her recently completed testing showed that compared to children speaking English from birth, M understands as much or MORE than children her age. BUT, she speaks less English than 3% of children her age do.

We've "known" this for quite some time. It's kind of funny to watch people interact with M as they're quick to "talk down" to her because she doesn't answer. She has a sweet little blank stare back or might utter her little "uh?" sound. Admittedly, it's tricky because she's still learning our unique American phrases.

For example, she thinks it's hysterical when I say, "Thank you, my dear." She laughs.."deer. deer." Then she runs for a book with a deer in it and shows it to me and laughs all over again.

So...tomorrow a.m. M's off to the boys' school for speech. The staff has shared how delighted they are that she made it "in" for therapy...they're already planning a tea party! :-) We can't wait to know more about what she's thinking and feeling when she has enough words to tell us!

Gluten Free Results Week 1

Today marks one week of being gluten free. Wow. We're big on trying to see the positive side of things, but this one's hard! One son shows no sign of improvement. The other son, however, is feeling a little better. Could just be a fluke...could be gluten. BUT, his blood tests came back showing he's also HIGHLY sensitive to milk (which we knew) and EGGS (which we didn't). Life without EGGS?

I'm a farmwife cook. I like baking bread, roasting chicken, making apple pie. Lumberjack food. I love to eat gourmet, but I like to cook downhome style...cooking with bean and rice flour is definitely foreign...so far the gluten free recipes have left me feeling disappointed...but we are not giving up!

Up for this week...Chocolate Chip Cookies (that you have to chill for 36 hours first - YIKES), banana bread with chrystalized ginger, and blueberry polenta pancakes. We shall see.

One thing we DO know...Gluten Free costs an arm and a leg...and a foot and a back and...