Six months ago, Levi was literally bouncing off walls. Hands in fish tank? Check. Jumping from the top step? Check. Touching everything, but playing with very little? Check. All totally normal behaviors from a little man living with little exposure to the outside world for the first four years of his life. When first home, he obsessed about food. As in OBSESSED. Our girls needed food, but Levi would panic and then shut down if he feared there wasn't enough or if he thought there wasn't any. We kept his precious boiled eggs, rice, and bananas on hand at.all.times. These days, you wouldn't even know it had been an issue. In fact, it's so rare now that when he has expresses desperation for something to eat, it catches us by surprise. The other day that happened.
7 AM "Mom, I neeeeeed fan (rice)."
Me, "Levi, it's 7 IN THE MORNING. How about an egg?"
"No, egg. Neeeeeed fan."
Now to those who are new to adoption you might be thinking, "You didn't give in and give the kid what he wanted, right?" Here's the thing...in adoption, you have to hone your intuition. What is the motivation behind the request here? What does he gain or lose with a yes or a no? Is it an attempt at manipulation or a real need? Is it something that will build trust or break it?
In this case, all I had to do was look in his eyes. Those soft brown eyes were full of tears and he melted into me and just whispered, "I neeeed fan." I thought of how I would feel if I'd been living on nearly all Chinese food for months away from my home country. At some point, I'd just want to curl into a little ball and cry for french toast for breakfast. I'd just want something that reminded me of home. While we're his NEW home, he certainly has way more memories in his old one. We want to be sensitive to that. So...I tightened the belt on my bathrobe and made him some killer rice (and had another cup of coffee myself).
Those moments are further and further between. More and more he is feeling at home in this crazy house where people are constantly coming and going.
I remember when he cried for his Baba every night when Randall went to work. Now, I'm the favorite more often than not.
I remember when he couldn't look at a book for more than a moment or two. Now it's one of his favorite things to do each day.
I remember when he had to wear his multicolored 2 sizes too big Snoopy sneakers everywhere. They've now been replaced by his beloved cowboy boots.
I remember a young boy who could not control his body or his actions. He now sits and plays quietly and is such an absolute delight to be with.
Even his tone of voice has changed. When first home, he was quick to be bossy or use a demanding tone. Now it only slips out if he's really frustrated. However, if I just cock my head with a sweet smile and say, "Try again" he instantly changes his face and shares what he needs very politely. He's learning that he will always be heard here. He doesn't have to demand things, he can share what he needs because he is learning he is LOVED.
He gives and receives that love freely. When Violet had a sore throat earlier this week he was the first one to say, "Don't worry, Violet. You'll feel better soon. Wait and see! We love you, Violet!"
And my final thought? This is going to sound strange, but Levi actually seems YOUNGER than when he came home. It's BEAUTIFUL to see. One of the saddest things about institutional life is that kids are exposed to so much pain that they mature prematurely in all the wrong ways. Levi's facial expressions have changed, his mannerisms have changed, his intensity has changed...he's become a sweet LITTLE boy instead of trying to look like a "tough guy" to protect himself. Just look at the "I'm so tough. Nothing can hurt me cuz I've been hurt before and I'm not letting that happen again" face we saw of him before he came home from China.
Randall and Joe saw so many hints of sweetness in China that we knew there was a tender child inside of him just begging to come out...like in the first week home when he insisted that Xiang Mao needed a ride in his jeep. Same somber face on Levi, but sweetness in his actions.
From those first more guarded days, he moved into a period where he was cautiously more open. We began to see expressions like this one
And day by day, he opened up. He trusted. He allowed himself to be loved. And it's given him a face so irresistibly sweet, soooo kissable.
Levi, you are soooo loved. We can't wait to see the man you grow to become!
