I received an interesting email about the latest post from someone whose opinion I care a great deal about. The point was made that the author seems to possess the same judgmentalism he accuses others of having....does he really KNOW what others are thinking? And who is he to judge whether having kids is right for everyone?
We all need to be careful not condemn others. It's just not our place.
That being said, the article raises a question that I think many people (including myself) don't always wrestle with enough. "Who and what am I living for?"
When I'm in the grocery store, or on a field trip, or with a client, or at a doctor's office, people often hear about our adoption and are literally shocked to hear that we have four kids. Most people are happy that we've adopted, but say something to the affect that they could never have kids (or more kids) or could never adopt. When they list the reasons why they can't care for more children, sometimes there are good reasons, but a lot of the time they are simply selfish.
I've been guilty of the same thing. Baby Boy #3 was a big surprise. I wasn't sure I wanted to take care of more than two kids. I wanted to work more, make more money. But God changed my heart, thankfully.
When we talked about adoption, we realized that our only hang-ups were selfish ones.
Would we have any free time?
Would we have any money left for more "stuff"?
Did we really want to hang out in hospitals?
What if we had to rearrange our lifestyle?
Hear me out. I'm NOT saying that everyone should have kids. Some people shouldn't! I AM saying that the question of whether one has kids (and how many) raises a BIGGER question...how do you make decisions? what motivates them?
We need ask ourselves if we driven by fear or by greed or by love.
R and I are not perfect people. Far from it. This article was good for me. It challenged me to examine my heart and make sure it's aligned with what God has for my life. I hope it causes you to soul search a bit, too.
Who knows where it might lead...
6.12.2010
6.11.2010
Say it, Brother!
I read the following article this morning and I couldn't agree more. With four children, we have many people that express awe that we could parent "so many." Yet, my grandfather was one of 13 children. What's happened in our country? When did we lose our understanding that children are a blessing?
A funny thing happened to me the other day when my wife and I had, thank God, another baby (a boy). Many of my friends didn't seem all that happy for me. Sure, they went through the motions of smiles and congratulations. But it was evident that many thought me insane. Why would a young man and his wife ruin their lives with eight children? Who could afford the Jewish day-school bills? Didn't we want to live life a little, and not just be burdened with kids?
It got downright surreal when a European film company, pressed me, while my wife was in labor, to finish shooting a segment that had an urgent deadline (I obviously told them they were insane). And the next day, I was mildly criticized by a Jewish organization which was supposed to be hosting me for a lecture for having to cancel on them because the lecture clashed with the baby's bris.
I don't mind that the world doesn't really love babies, just that it pretends to. It's time we got honest about our priorities. Most people get a new car every two or three years, but one or two babies through the life of their marriage is plenty. You can get drunk on an airplane, laugh hysterically with your mates, and still not really anger people. But if you dare bring a crying baby on board you will be given malicious looks as if the little thing is a package that ticks. If you walk your dog along the street, people will stop you to tell you how cute he is. If you walk down the street with a baby, you might find a woman or two who coos, but for the most part, you'll be utterly ignored.
Indeed, the contempt shown to parents of many children is the last acceptable prejudice in our society. As a father of a large family, I find myself apologizing wherever I go, as if I committed a crime. The frequent and loaded stares from scornful onlookers imply that the famine in Africa was caused by my selfish insistence on overpopulating the earth. Long ago my wife and I discovered that few hotels were prepared to accommodate so many children, even if we took three of four rooms, which is why we bought an RV for travel.
How strange to live in a world where loving children casts one in infamy. Having a family with many children implies a backwardness and primitivism that is deemed unbecoming in the developed countries of the West. Large families, it is thought, exist only among religious weirdoes or the teeming hovels of the Third World.
Rich countries, by contrast, prefer to increase their standard of living rather than the number of the living. Looking at Western birth rates for the year 2001, the United States averaged only 14.2 births for every thousand Americans, and the birthrate among white Americans is so low that the United States will soon lose its white majority. Indeed, one can go for days in a wealthy city like Manhattan without encountering a single pregnant woman. Riches and children have become inversely proportional such that the more of the former, the less of the latter.
Hence, the high birth rates of extremely poor African nations like Uganda – at 47.52 births per 1,000 – or Niger with 50.68 births per 1,000, are deemed to be prime causes and indicators of their penury. The abundant fertility and unconstrained sexuality of these countries confirms the unspoken Western mindset of these country's inhabitants as being just one step above savages. Contraception has become a synonym for civilization.
A Christian mother of six once wrote to me, "I find it troubling to worry about getting pregnant again ... because I don't want to face the criticism of friends and family. Why do people not see children as a blessing?" A fair question which deserves a fair response.
Why is it that even many synagogues today are not children friendly? Why are people impressed that Jay Leno owns 20 motorcycles, but disgusted that some religious families choose to have 10 children?
Let's not finesse the response. We all know why. A world that has lost its innocence has trouble appreciating beings who are innocent. A world that has become selfish has soured to the idea of leading a life of selflessness. A world that has become grossly materialistic is turned off to the idea of more dependents who consume resources. And a world that mistakenly believes that freedom means a lack of responsibility is opposed to the idea of needy creatures who "tie you down."
They can go fly a kite.
By just looking at my children, I become more innocent. By loving them, I become more noble. By spending my money on them rather than myself, I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure.
I am often asked by women dating men how to tell whether they are marriage material. I tell them, "See if he enjoys children." A man who loves children is playful. He will spend his life joking with his wife because he loves to see her laugh, and will flirt with her because he loves to see her smile.
There was a time when husbands and wives worked hard to ensure they could afford the blessings of a large family. Today, the higher your earning bracket the fewer children you have, but then we always knew that many turn money from a blessing into a curse.
A funny thing happened to me the other day when my wife and I had, thank God, another baby (a boy). Many of my friends didn't seem all that happy for me. Sure, they went through the motions of smiles and congratulations. But it was evident that many thought me insane. Why would a young man and his wife ruin their lives with eight children? Who could afford the Jewish day-school bills? Didn't we want to live life a little, and not just be burdened with kids?
It got downright surreal when a European film company, pressed me, while my wife was in labor, to finish shooting a segment that had an urgent deadline (I obviously told them they were insane). And the next day, I was mildly criticized by a Jewish organization which was supposed to be hosting me for a lecture for having to cancel on them because the lecture clashed with the baby's bris.
I don't mind that the world doesn't really love babies, just that it pretends to. It's time we got honest about our priorities. Most people get a new car every two or three years, but one or two babies through the life of their marriage is plenty. You can get drunk on an airplane, laugh hysterically with your mates, and still not really anger people. But if you dare bring a crying baby on board you will be given malicious looks as if the little thing is a package that ticks. If you walk your dog along the street, people will stop you to tell you how cute he is. If you walk down the street with a baby, you might find a woman or two who coos, but for the most part, you'll be utterly ignored.
Indeed, the contempt shown to parents of many children is the last acceptable prejudice in our society. As a father of a large family, I find myself apologizing wherever I go, as if I committed a crime. The frequent and loaded stares from scornful onlookers imply that the famine in Africa was caused by my selfish insistence on overpopulating the earth. Long ago my wife and I discovered that few hotels were prepared to accommodate so many children, even if we took three of four rooms, which is why we bought an RV for travel.
How strange to live in a world where loving children casts one in infamy. Having a family with many children implies a backwardness and primitivism that is deemed unbecoming in the developed countries of the West. Large families, it is thought, exist only among religious weirdoes or the teeming hovels of the Third World.
Rich countries, by contrast, prefer to increase their standard of living rather than the number of the living. Looking at Western birth rates for the year 2001, the United States averaged only 14.2 births for every thousand Americans, and the birthrate among white Americans is so low that the United States will soon lose its white majority. Indeed, one can go for days in a wealthy city like Manhattan without encountering a single pregnant woman. Riches and children have become inversely proportional such that the more of the former, the less of the latter.
Hence, the high birth rates of extremely poor African nations like Uganda – at 47.52 births per 1,000 – or Niger with 50.68 births per 1,000, are deemed to be prime causes and indicators of their penury. The abundant fertility and unconstrained sexuality of these countries confirms the unspoken Western mindset of these country's inhabitants as being just one step above savages. Contraception has become a synonym for civilization.
A Christian mother of six once wrote to me, "I find it troubling to worry about getting pregnant again ... because I don't want to face the criticism of friends and family. Why do people not see children as a blessing?" A fair question which deserves a fair response.
Why is it that even many synagogues today are not children friendly? Why are people impressed that Jay Leno owns 20 motorcycles, but disgusted that some religious families choose to have 10 children?
Let's not finesse the response. We all know why. A world that has lost its innocence has trouble appreciating beings who are innocent. A world that has become selfish has soured to the idea of leading a life of selflessness. A world that has become grossly materialistic is turned off to the idea of more dependents who consume resources. And a world that mistakenly believes that freedom means a lack of responsibility is opposed to the idea of needy creatures who "tie you down."
They can go fly a kite.
By just looking at my children, I become more innocent. By loving them, I become more noble. By spending my money on them rather than myself, I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure.
I am often asked by women dating men how to tell whether they are marriage material. I tell them, "See if he enjoys children." A man who loves children is playful. He will spend his life joking with his wife because he loves to see her laugh, and will flirt with her because he loves to see her smile.
There was a time when husbands and wives worked hard to ensure they could afford the blessings of a large family. Today, the higher your earning bracket the fewer children you have, but then we always knew that many turn money from a blessing into a curse.
6.10.2010
Such a Gentleman
We got home from the Farmer's Market in the middle of a DOWN POUR. J. was such a gentleman! He ran and got the umbrella and escorted his mom and sister into the house! Thanks J.!
First Ride
Here are a couple pics from M.'s first ride on a horse. This took place at a Farmer's Market about 30minutes from home.
6.06.2010
The MAN of the hour...
This year, G was excited to enjoy a circus themed birthday. Having never been, we took the kids to see Ringling Brothers Circus here in town. We celebrated with G's best friends in the world...his cousins. We love YOU, G!
Seven whole dollars!
And what happens after a FULL day of play with cousins? Tubbies, jammies, and a movie, courtesy of Uncle Caleb! And no, we didn't ask them to squish together. They like each other THAT much. :-)
This year, G was excited to enjoy a circus themed birthday. Having never been, we took the kids to see Ringling Brothers Circus here in town. We celebrated with G's best friends in the world...his cousins. We love YOU, G!
Seven whole dollars!
And what happens after a FULL day of play with cousins? Tubbies, jammies, and a movie, courtesy of Uncle Caleb! And no, we didn't ask them to squish together. They like each other THAT much. :-)
Happy Memorial Day!
We enjoyed having R's brother and my favorite sister in law here for the day to celebrate the holiday and G's birthday.
We started with a small town parade with N marching! They've only marched one other time, so it was a fun thing for them to experience.
Apologies!
So major apologies for how long it's been since we posted! Somehow, I hurt a muscle near my hip and was on crutches. I've graduated to hobbling, but its slowed us down a lot...and a LOT has been happening around here.
Allow us to catch you up to date!
Allow us to catch you up to date!
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