A New School Year with New Beginnings

 

 This year, we've got some new beginnings!  Mia and Violet are joining Joseph and Gabe at Cornerstone Christian School.  They were excited to all be at school together...and we're excited to have more of our kids on the same schedule!  ;-)

 

Poor 6th kid....mom didn't remember to take a before picture, but the AFTER shot was worth missing it for!

What 20 Years Looks Like

This man makes me laugh like no one else.

 I know our faces are mid-sentence....but I what I love about this picture is that this is how I always feel when I talk to him...that he is completely present and fully FOR me.

 I love when I can make this man blush.  :-)

20th Anniversary

            20 years ago we pledged forever and always with fancy words and even fancier clothes.  What did we know?  We knew what we had seen from our families…that love could be beautiful and love could be forgiving and love could last.  What we didn’t know…what no one can know until they attempt to live it…is that love can also be hard.  Two imperfect people trying to rise above their own selfishness…no easy task!  There were hard times and harsh words and frustration.  Times when sin won and we let distance creep in.  Times where the beautiful wasn’t as easy to see.  But woven in the mess of everyday living were threads of commitment and sacrifice and joy.  Together, because of Christ, we’ve ridden waves of sleepless nights and strong-willed kids and first days of school.  We’ve marveled at baby toes, filled Christmas stockings, and blown out birthday candles.  We’ve climbed mountains and crossed oceans.  We’ve danced in the kitchen and cried in our bed and felt every emotion in between.    Together we’ve grown up, for better or for worse, and in looking back I can see how God used every situation to bring us here.

Here, where we love our children, but know that HE loves them more.

Here, where we honor our marriage, not because of what we can get or how good it feels, but because it brings HIM joy.

Here, where somehow in the laying it all down we find love is only better and only fuller.

            You’ve held my hand when I have felt fear and failure and been my strongest champion.  You’ve spoken grace to me when I have not deserved it.  You’ve shown our children how a real man treats a woman.

            Today we celebrate two decades.  I pray there is a lot of living and loving left to be done together.  Someday when we’re old and sitting in our rockers, I’ll say to you what you once wrote to me on an Easter card,

            “I hope on THE Resurrection, you’re the first person I see.”

The World Needs More Heroes

Happy Easter!

 Four generations of Pekari's were together to celebrate this year...except Randall and I were so busy getting a picture taken with the grandparents and Oma that we forgot to get one with us in it, too! 

 Can you even handle the cuteness?!  Me, either.

Baba teaches Levi how to dye Easter eggs...then he thinks he's an expert and tells Oma how it's done.  :-)

 

Oma is 90 this year...and still as active as ever!

Happy Spring!

6 Month Update

This week marks six months that Levi has been a Pekari.  All of us feel like it's been only half that time!  He has so totally and completely fit into this family that it's crazy.  He is very much like our Gabriel, a little love bug with a silly side!

Six months ago, Levi was literally bouncing off walls.  Hands in fish tank?  Check.  Jumping from the top step?  Check.  Touching everything, but playing with very little?  Check.  All totally normal behaviors from a little man living with little exposure to the outside world for the first four years of his life.  When first home, he obsessed about food.  As in OBSESSED.  Our girls needed food, but Levi would panic and then shut down if he feared there wasn't enough or if he thought there wasn't any.  We kept his precious boiled eggs, rice, and bananas on hand at.all.times.  These days, you wouldn't even know it had been an issue.  In fact, it's so rare now that when he has expresses desperation for something to eat, it catches us by surprise.  The other day that happened.

7 AM  "Mom, I neeeeeed fan (rice)."
Me, "Levi, it's 7 IN THE MORNING.  How about an egg?"
"No, egg.  Neeeeeed fan." 

Now to those who are new to adoption you might be thinking, "You didn't give in and give the kid what he wanted, right?"  Here's the thing...in adoption, you have to hone your intuition.  What is the motivation behind the request here?  What does he gain or lose with a yes or a no?  Is it an attempt at manipulation or a real need?  Is it something that will build trust or break it?

In this case, all I had to do was look in his eyes.  Those soft brown eyes were full of tears and he melted into me and just whispered, "I neeeed fan."  I thought of how I would feel if I'd been living on nearly all Chinese food for months away from my home country.  At some point, I'd just want to curl into a little ball and cry for french toast for breakfast.  I'd just want something that reminded me of home.  While we're his NEW home, he certainly has way more memories in his old one.  We want to be sensitive to that.  So...I tightened the belt on my bathrobe and made him some killer rice (and had another cup of coffee myself).

Those moments are further and further between.  More and more he is feeling at home in this crazy house where people are constantly coming and going.

I remember when he cried for his Baba every night when Randall went to work.  Now, I'm the favorite more often than not.

I remember when he couldn't look at a book for more than a moment or two.  Now it's one of his favorite things to do each day.

I remember when he had to wear his multicolored 2 sizes too big Snoopy sneakers everywhere.  They've now been replaced by his beloved cowboy boots.

I remember a young boy who could not control his body or his actions.  He now sits and plays quietly and is such an absolute delight to be with. 

Even his tone of voice has changed.  When first home, he was quick to be bossy or use a demanding tone.  Now it only slips out if he's really frustrated.  However, if I just cock my head with a sweet smile and say, "Try again" he instantly changes his face and shares what he needs very politely.  He's learning that he will always be heard here.  He doesn't have to demand things, he can share what he needs because he is learning he is LOVED.

He gives and receives that love freely.  When Violet had a sore throat earlier this week he was the first one to say, "Don't worry, Violet.  You'll feel better soon.  Wait and see!  We love you, Violet!"

And my final thought?  This is going to sound strange, but Levi actually seems YOUNGER than when he came home.  It's BEAUTIFUL to see.  One of the saddest things about institutional life is that kids are exposed to so much pain that they mature prematurely in all the wrong ways.  Levi's facial expressions have changed, his mannerisms have changed, his intensity has changed...he's become a sweet LITTLE boy instead of trying to look like a "tough guy" to protect himself.  Just look at the "I'm so tough.  Nothing can hurt me cuz I've been hurt before and I'm not letting that happen again" face we saw of him before he came home from China.

Randall and Joe saw so many hints of sweetness in China that we knew there was a tender child inside of him just begging to come out...like in the first week home when he insisted that Xiang Mao needed a ride in his jeep.  Same somber face on Levi, but sweetness in his actions.

From those first more guarded days, he moved into a period where he was cautiously more open.  We began to see expressions like this one

Still serious, but more open.  Even now, those eyes...it's like he's just begging the question, "Are you for real?  Are you really going to be my mom?"

And day by day, he opened up.  He trusted.  He allowed himself to be loved.  And it's given him a face so irresistibly sweet, soooo kissable. 

He adores being rocked and cuddled and held...all the things he missed...and this mom and dad are more than happy to give him back as much of his childhood years as we can.  He is precious beyond words and we are so blessed to be his parents.

Levi, you are soooo loved.  We can't wait to see the man you grow to become!

Captain Adorable Strikes Again

Adorable little bear off to Hibernation Day at Preschool today. Apparently a little girl in his class calls him, "Cutie." Can't imagine why. In typical boy fashion, he doesn't like it. :-)

You're a Good, Good Father

Levi loves music.  It was no surprise to hear him belting out along with the radio this morning when one of his favorite songs came on.

“You’re a good, good Father.  It’s who you are.  It’s who you are.  It’s who you are.

And I’m loved by you.  It’s who I am.  It’s who I am.  It’s who I am.”

And like always, I got teary.  How I pray that He holds on to this truth as He grows up.  There are so many things in his short life that could easily question God’s goodness.  How could a good God allow children to be abandoned?  How could God let his first family break apart?  Why was he born with a no hand?  What is good about any of that?  How can God be good?

Yet, the second line holds the answer.  Levi is loved by God.  God’s love is so big, so vast, so immeasurable that it literally covers over any hurt and harmful thing that has happened in his life.  God does not cause all evil situations to happen, but in all things God’s love is greater and it can never be taken from us.

Will our Chinese children identify themselves as Chinese when they grow up?  Chinese American?  American?  I don’t know.  Origin matters.  Culture matters.  But our eternal identity is far greater than any earthly label.

I hope that above all else, when asked who they are that our children say they are loved by God.  Because that’s an identity that will never perish, spoil, or fade.  

How do you identify yourself?

Then and Now

I came across this today...received just a few days before we met her years ago

 My goodness...how she has grown up!

The Pink Bag Rises

Today I stumbled upon "The Pink Bag." Levi hasn't seen or needed it since his first day or two home. I decided to see what his response might be knowing that it might give hints into his healing.

His response? He tenderly cradled the shredded plastic knowing instantly what it was and said, "Oh, my BAG. Oh my yittle bag. Remember I have this? Remember Baba an an an an an Joe go airplane and say, Chello, Levi?" 

He spied a shriveled up stem of lychee fruit in the bag and continued, "oh, THIS! Remember Baba give me THIS so good? That so nice. Then Baba an an an an Jo Jo an Leeeeeeevi come home Mama." And then he sweetly sighed and stroked the bag as if a friend had been found...rather like finding an old stuffed buddy once sorely needed. 

Levi has come so very very far in such a short time.  We know the journey to wholeness could possibly be lifelong for him, but we are so encouraged by the progress he is making!   He is learning to accept love and physical touch.  He has come to enjoy snuggling and has even learned to ask for it when needed saying, "Kin Mama hug Levi?"  He has learned how to forgive.  Just this week, a sibling was not kind and his response before the apology was, "That's ok.  I feegive you.  Don't be sad.  I still love you!" 

China feels like forever ago...so hard to believe that six months ago this charmer was living in an institution on the other side of the world.

So thankful God had His eye on Levi all along and that the Best Author is writing his story.

So Smart

Look who learned to write his name!

Please Pray

I'm sitting in tears tonight.  I just learned that my childhood friend and his family received horrible news.  The little girl they were paper-chasing to adopt from China died unexpectedly this weekend.  A precious little girl, so beautiful and wanted, died in her unheated orphanage.  They have only a few details.  They know that a virus was going through the orphanage.  The air quality was poor.  She was already vulnerable because of her medical condition.

They never got to hold her, meet her...this child they already loved with all their heart...and this little girl died never knowing the love of a family.

She died an orphan.

Was she held?  Was she comforted?  Did she even see a doctor?  These are questions my friend's family may never know.

The only peace comes in knowing that God

"will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."  Revelation 21:4

As incredibly hard as it is to consider the pain this little one endured in such a short time...such loss and loneliness...we know that God calls Himself a Father to the Fatherless.  She is no longer suffering...she is in the arms of Jesus and there is no better place.

Please pray for this family.  And please....pray for the millions of children around the world waiting for someone to love and provide for them....As God moves you, please courageously step up to support orphan care efforts (reuniting extended families, foster care, adoption, funding, prayer support).

This little one wasn't a statistic.  She was Winona Mae

Child of God

Bye, Mama

We’ve adopted three times.  We also have three biological children.  I’ve been called Mom for almost 20 years.  Yet today when I dropped Levi off at school, I lost it when he called my name.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved the idea of adoption…and large families. My husband took longer to board the Crazy Love Train, but once on, he was all in.  After enjoying three biological sons, we were ready to begin adopting and there was no discussion.

It would be a girl.

Of course.

And she was everything I ever hoped for.  Sweet.  Silly.  Smart.  Beautiful.

And life was full.  And felt complete.

And then we saw Violet.  Just a little picture with a tentative, shy smile.  Her eyes held so many questions and seemed to beg, “Will you come for me?  Will you love me?”  And we were head over heels again.

And she was everything we didn’t know we were missing.  Spunk.  Courage.  Tenderness.  All wrapped up in a tiny little person.

And life was full.  And life felt complete.

And then God said, “If you will adopt, I will provide.”  And He did.  And we thought,

“Of course it will be a girl.  It will be Brady Bunch perfect.  3 boys. 3 girls.”

But it wasn’t a girl.  It was a boy.  It was Levi.

China’s birth policies historically left hundreds of thousands of girls without parents to care for them.  Perfectly healthy girls living in institutions all over China.  Some cared for.  Some left to die.  But times are slooooooooooowly changing in China and more girls are kept by their birth parents than before.  This is good.

But old stereotypes die hard.  That’s why in China some other things haven’t yet changed.  There still is no valuable place in society for people with special needs.  Considered unlucky, they are not given significant education or meaningful employment.  And loved?  Very Unlikely.

But we have our own stereotypes here in America…like the thought that girls are easier to raise.  So it won’t surprise you when I say that the overwhelming number of adopting parents want girls.  Yet, roughly 75% of all children paper-ready for adoption in China are boys.  And the majority of kids waiting in the US are boys, too.  And they wait.  And wait.  And wait.  So many of these children will never have homes simply because they are boys.

Levi could’ve been one of them.  I was so bent on having another little girl to dress up.  To spend time with.  To even out the testerone around here.

Thank GOD He got our attention and reminded us that

Adoption is not about US, the parents.   

Adoption is about declaring that someone’s life has value.  It’s not about the perfect Christmas card.

Today, as I dropped Levi off at preschool, he looked back at my car and waved his little hand calling, “Bye, Mama!”  He is learning that we go together.  I am his.  And he is mine.  We are connected.  This little boy, once alone in the world, is now surrounded by family who love him fiercely.

Our eyes locked, souls connecting.  Like a puzzle piece, he fits a hole in in my heart I didn’t know I had.  Dresses?  We have plenty.  Right now, his Superman cape is perfect for us.

And life is full.  And life feels complete.