I hate that word. It feels dirty. Who wants to admit they have decay in their mouth? Like I don't have hygiene. My teens, they don't have hygiene and they have no decay. What's up with that? How is that fair?
Here's the rub. I don't numb. Like, only at the very surface level. I never get entirely numb no matter how many shots they give me and it never lasts more than a few minutes. Last year I had a root canal and. felt. everything. The dentist actually got teary because she could see how painful it was for me.
And today? I was anxious going in which never makes it better. So I sat, looking like a homeboy with my borrowed son's headphones to drown out the drill. Clinging to my ipod and phone, lifelines of distraction and encouragement.
I prayed, "Lord help me. I HATE this. I need you. I just know I do. Please be here with me. I need to know you're here."
Then I remembered my phone. A text was in from my sister in Florida. I never get texts from her. Like maybe a few each season. She said she had a word from the Lord for me this morning. She's never done that. Never. She said I was supposed to believe 1 Peter 5:7.
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
The very encouragement I needed to hear. He knew I needed reassurance. And He cared enough to ask my sister to remind me. Today.
How crazy cool is that?! She had no idea what was going on in my life today.
But it gets better. I wish I could say that I didn't have pain, but I did. I felt. nearly. everything. Labor is easier. No joke. But I could FEEL the presence of the Lord. In the beginning, I sensed Him but in the middle of the procedure, as the pain was excruciating, I cried out to him inwardly, asking Him to draw even closer and He DID. I felt him as close to me as the workers. I had the very real sense that He was literally watching very closely, even standing very nearby. As tears rolled down my cheeks from pain, I simultaneously felt Him reassuring me and the tears became this indescribable mix of pain and being humbled that He was there with me in the midst of it. At one point, I begged Him to stay the pain. Instantly, there was none where there had just been agony. I could rest and rejoice and praise Him. And then the pain returned. But it wasn't like He left...He just reassured me He was with me IN the pain.
I feel vulnerable sharing this out loud. People seem to accept experiences like this when someone is dying. And I certainly wasn't dying. But why? Why am I afraid to say that I felt God physically close to me? We admit when we feel spiritually or emotionally close to Him. Today, I sensed Him in a new and deeper way. And it left me wanting more.
Not more of the dentist. Ha. But more encounters with Him. The One who makes even the dental chair holy ground.
