Christmas 2014

This is one of those Christmases I hope I remember.  Every year I try so hard to pause and enjoy the moments, treasuring things in my heart like Mary so long ago.  Yet I can already only remember snippets from when the boys were little!  sniff sniff

When I look at this picture, I want to remember how Joe kept sneaking up onto his tippy toes to appear taller than everyone else.  Noah was such a good sport about it.  And Gabe with his constant antics...

  These treasures, as beautiful inside as out.  Mia wanting her hair "just like mom's" and Violet still needing a ponytail on the days where things are a bit uncertain.  We tucked some braids into it to make it a bit fancier.  :-)

How much longer will they love to match each other?

 

LOVE this picture of Joe getting loved on!  Although, it makes me realize we forgot to add Violet's golden bow in her hair.  Oops!  Still, five kids?  Only one missing thing and all on time for church?  

Not bad.

 

This young man, for a day without his beloved camo, counting down days and HOURS since December 1st.  Wrestling his way (literally) into manhood.  Learning how his sweet and silly personality can mesh with bold and brave.

 

 

Such a tender heart in this girl!  She was thrilled to receive her first big girl Bible "with all the words!"  Before bed, she made sure her doll was tucked safely into her new bed 

and the Word was on her nightstand.  

She also nearly set her Uncle on fire with her Christmas candle during Silent Night.  Oops!

 And this character?!  No one loves Christmas like Noah.  He and Buddy the Elf could be brothers.  He rocked his Elf pants with pride and donned his latest hat for his collection.  Love that he's proud of who he is!  Loved that he jumped at the chance to play the trumpet for church and sing in the choir!  Last Christmas with a "kid" stocking.  sniff sniff  I remember when he got Elmo and moved the Nativity characters every day when he was 3.  Sigh

And, of course, we HAD to take a picture of beloved Bean in the lights of the tree.  (Ahem)

So much good in this day.  Still, we remember our family not here.  Our Aunt and Uncle who said goodbye to a beloved dog on Christmas Eve.  Randall's mom spending Christmas fighting cancer in the hospital.  His grandmother not feeling well, either.  My parents enduring power outtages and flooding in their home on Christmas Eve.  Truly, hard times for all.

Yet, despite our troubles Emmanuel comes near and whispers

"I have come.  I am here."

And we look up in awe like the shepherds long ago and we fall to our knees beside the manger.

All is Well.  Hope has Come.

December 2014

Oh my goodness, have we been busy!  We're one of those families that get to celebrate two birthdays, two school concerts, a Christmas pageant AND Christmas in the same 21 days!  And truthfully, this was a light year!  

We start with Violet's birthday.  Sweet thing wanted a bunny cake to celebrate.  And asked for absolutely nothing (although she did quietly whisper several times the month before that she wanted yoga pants like mom who long ago stopped working out but pretends if she keeps them she may actually start again someday).  I'm telling you, this kid is a keeper! (Aren't they all?!)   

She loved her monkey jammies from Birdie and some earrings from Mimi.  She is honestly thankful for everything she's given which makes it hard not to spoil her.

There is one thing she's not a huge fan of still...kisses from anyone other than mom and dad.  And when anyone other than mom kisses her, she makes this adorable expression we call  

the squinchy face.  

This Sugarplum was next in line to celebrate.  She asked for a kitten cake.  Joseph and Gabe asked if they could frost and decorate it.  I had one Martha Stewart moment of hesitation about how Pinterest it would turn out to be before my sane mind kicked in and said,

"Go for it!  Frost your little hearts out!"
She loved it and wore her pink Marie Aristocat t-shirt to match the cake.

of course she did.

She loved her penguin sled.  Now all we need is snow!

We snuck in some Christmas cookie decorating while Dad went to go visit his mom in the hospital. 

  

Don't let all their adorable dresses fool you...they can be cannibals!  Poor little angel cookie...

Another smooch, another Squinchy face. 

Even the teens joined in the act!  Love how our almost-college student still 

participates in family traditions!

Speaking of traditions...one of our favorites.  The Live Nativity

I get all goosebumpy when I see young children singing about Jesus!
We're counting down the days until His birth with much anticipation.  The reading of the Story.  The lighting of candles.  Silent Night.  And maybe some presents under the tree.  :-)
Merry Christmas!

Prayer Answered

Yesterday, I mentioned that God recently answered a very specific prayer in a very cool way.  I love when He does this!  Why am I always surprised?

As lots of you know, little Mia is struggling.  Since starting back to school this fall, she has had to go back on nightly sub-cu shots of a medication that she is allergic to.  To handle the allergic reactions, she takes Benadryl, Zertec, and Hydrocortisone.  It reduces her symptoms, but the combination gives her other lovely side effects, like perpetual exhaustion and grumpiness.  Going to school all day long has been very hard.  By the time she comes home, she is positively wilting.

Add to this that she is terrified of itching.  It's a PTSD trigger for her.  From the time she gets home until the shot comes at night, she has been a mess as she anticipates the experience.  She's had several panic attacks and it has dredged up lots of uncomfortable emotions for her.  She's cycling back through many of the issues she dealt with her first year home.  For her privacy, I won't go into those.  Just know, it's been hard for her.  And hard for those who love her to watch.

One of the ways we're helping her is through counseling.  At our counselor's suggestion, we approached the school about shortening Mia's day to give her more time with me and less time of stress in her day.  The principal agreed to five school days.  She wanted a report at that time and then would consider "an iep to draw up paperwork if it's working."

Five days is not enough time to know if something is really going to make a difference long term.  Not in a situation like this.

Now, I meet weekly with a close friend of mine.  We pray for our kids, their school, and their teachers.  We happened to be meeting on a Friday.  THE Friday that marked five days of Mia being home part time.  I just didn't have the desire to face the principal and initiate all the paperwork and mtgs it would take to get Mia an extension on being home.

Because, you know, all principals and teachers LOVE to have IEP Meetings.  Riiiiiight.

And the thing is...I have no idea if being home more is going to help her with what's going on.  It's just something to try.

So, we prayed that God would make it abundantly clear what we should do.  We prayed that if God wanted Mia home, that he would move the principal to look with favor on the situation.  Then we got bolder and asked God for more.

"Actually, God?  Would you just move on Mia's behalf?  Would you orchestrate all of this for her good?  Would you just make it possible for her to go to school part time without all the fuss of meetings and approval and formalities?  Would you just make this EASY?  Because right now, we could use something EASY."

God knows what we need.  Don't be afraid to ask Him for big things!  And crazy good things!

Later that day, I walked into Mia's school and her teacher walked right up to me and said,

"You're not going to believe this!  The principal just came to me and said she's been thinking about Mia.  She thinks we should keep going with Mia leaving school early every day....indefinitely, if we need to.  She says we don't even need to talk about it until after Christmas if it's working for her.  We'll put together a packet of everything she misses in the afternoons, but we trust you to know what's best for her...teach when you think she's in a good place....don't teach if she's not able to learn.  We trust you.  Oh!  And no need for a meeting...we'll just do it this way for now."

Are you kidding me?!  Friends, if you don't work with public school systems you might not know...

this is NOT how it's done.

Because you know, "If you make accomodations for ONE kid, you might have to accomodate EVERYONE."  ;-)

Prayer works!

Thankfulness

Yesterday was my brother's birthday.  To celebrate, we had him over to enjoy his favorite dessert in the world...Bavarian Cream Pie.  This pie is a labor of love.  We're talking double boilers simmering homemade custard.  A velvety chocolate crust studded with coconut.  Whipped cream.  It's light, airy and sinfully good.

With our dinner, I made this awesome acorn squash recipe that I take no credit for.  (Halve the sugar; no one needs it)  As we ate, I was reminded of a humbling blog post I read this week.  This family regularly eats squash and their children love it.  Sometimes when the mom shares the recipe with others, people will say, "My kids would NEVER eat that!"  She smiles and recalls the night they ate it and one of their children shared how THANKFUL they were for such a delicious meal because they REMEMBER SUCKING ON ROCKS before their adoption because they were so hungry.

They remember.

I can't ever remember being that kind of hungry.  Can you?

We're coming into my favorite season of the year and I'm so excited to help our children learn more about blessings and thankfulness.  Last year, we made this Thankful Tree.  This year, I'm excited to use a few new ideas like this cool prayer art activity and this Photo Challenge for our teens.  Because we'll be traveling for the holiday, I'm going to challenge them to find all the objects and shoot them while on the road.  I'm also hoping we can make up a Blessing Bag or two to share with those we might see on the road who need encouragement.

I'm excited to share a special way that you can teach thankfulness to the young children in your home, too!  My mom and I recently published a book all about gratitude called Pray Me a Rainbow.  Using colors and rhyme, it helps little ones find all sorts of things to be thankful for and we've included an extra page in the back of the book featuring creative ways to make the fun last longer!

This book is all about giving glory to God, so all money raised from its sale goes to Christian ministry efforts around the world that are close to our hearts, like orphan care. 

It's fun to have a book to share with people, but it's way more cool to see children praying.  Prayer moves mountains.  Remind me to share how God answered a prayer for Mia in an amazing way using a public school principal!  love it!  :-)

For now, there are several ways to get a copy of the book and I'll share them later this week! 

Once our Eyes are Opened

This week, I'm haunted by two true stories.  When I close my eyes, I can see them.  Sometimes I think I hear their voices.  I'm not crazy.  And I haven't lost it...yet.

The first is the story of a little girl, with eyes as round as mooncakes.

She was born with a cleft lip and cleft palate and so placed in an orphanage in China.  Her lip was repaired, but her palate was left.  Day after day she lay in her crib with a bottle propped up to feed her.  With no palate, the fluid from her meals pooled in her ears.

And she lost her hearing.

At four years old, she still has no palate repair and is surviving on what she can drink through a bottle.

Alone in her silent world, she has pulled into her shell, shutting out the world around her because she has no idea how to cope with such loss.

No one to show her how.

No one to hold her and love her and make things right.

She now has "labels" on her paperwork.  Damning phrases like "Institutional behaviors" and "developmental delays" and "possible autism."

There is a one minute video of an orphanage worker attempting to help her play.  The nanny sits BEHIND her and TELLS her what to do in Mandarin.  She is deaf.  She cannot hear.  She does not understand.  And so her big, round eyes fill with confusion and she does nothing. 

I know two beautiful girls with repaired lips and palates adopted from China.  This story could've been theirs'.  But someone went. 

Orphans no more, they are vibrant, healthy girls.  This little girl could've had the same happy ending.

Maybe she still will.

The second story is of a tiny two year old girl living in an orphanage of more than 500 children.

Just one girl.  In one orphanage.  In one province.  In a vast country full of people and communist leaders.  And she has cancer.

CANCER.

Can you imagine battling cancer?  As a child?  Alone? 

I can't either and it makes me sick to think about.  Look at her face!  Recently left by her parents and facing cancer...she's not old enough to understand what's happening, but she's old enough to know

she.is.alone.

I cannot imagine how the heart of God grieves when He sees His children alone and in pain.

I don't know how to solve world problems.  I don't believe we ever will.  But I know that doing nothing is not an option for any of us.

Proverbs 24:12 tells us that "Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act."

Please, please pray for these two girls.  Share their stories.  It's not too late.  They may not ever have physical wholeness again, but they can know the love of a family.  And the love of the Father.  There is still time.  Someone can GO.  Someone can LOVE.  Someone can SERVE.

October 2014

It's fall in New England.  So beautiful here with reds and golds in the trees and crunching leaves underfoot.  We've been enjoying as much time outside as we can...pumpkin and apple picking, hiking, and football in the yard.  I've had fun getting to know my new camera.  Last weekend was the perfect chance to snap a few...

 

The high school senior who adores his little sisters.  And who wouldn't love a brother who brings dumplings home from work?

 

Then there's camo-man.  I am not a camouflage kind of girl, but there are just some things that aren't worth fighting.  Let's hope it's a phase or he'll need a camo tux for his wedding. 

 And this girl?  How beautiful is she?! 

 

 They fit together like a puzzle...but there are a few pieces missing we think!

We adore this girl.  She holds her cards tight, but patience has paid off and she's trusting her mom and dad more every day and welcoming us into her world.  She's always thinking and when she gives you one of her hugs, your heart melts.  She is has Uncle Caleb wrapped around her finger.  

Our fearless leader

Looking more like his dad every day.  So proud of how far he's come!  

Happy Fall!

Mia

 Oh Miss Mia.  How we love you.

 

 How you are never happier than when you are with us.

How brave you are.

 

 Even if you don't believe it.

 How silly you are.

Especially when someone asks you about boys.  Lord, have mercy.

Sometimes we forget that inside you battle something very serious, beta thalassemia.  Last week, your MRI results came back and they're not great.  In fact, they're bad.  The iron is collecting in your liver.  Your body just doesn't want to chelate well.  (Sigh.)  It means the nightly shots are coming back.  

And the Exjade medicine too.  

It means itchy, swollen lumps on your stomach and tubing galore.

Aunt Rachel said to remind you that extra tears mean extra hugs and so we will look at what is positive in all of this.  Another reminder that life is precious.  That YOU are precious.

And that we are SO GLAD we said yes to your sweet face six years ago.

Lord, bless this little one with health and strength.  She has been through so much in a short life and you've use it all to show your glory.  Redeem even this situation and use it for good.

Amen.

I am Joan

When I was fifteen, I was asked to babysit for a family on our street.  A wonderful Christian family, I might add.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I walked in the front door and was shocked at what I saw.

Shoes.  Dirty socks.  Toys.  Boys with no shirts catapulting over furniture.  And the kids just seemed to keep coming and coming.  Every time I turned around, there was another one!

I don't remember where the parents were off to, but the I vividly recall what happened as soon as they left...I entered the kitchen and found two of the angels dumping a box of cereal all over the kitchen table.   Oh yes they were.  And having a marvelous time.

Those kids never stayed in one place.  It was impossible to know what they were up to.  Someone was always doing SOMETHING that needed attention.  It took every drop of energy I had to watch those kids...after all, there were FIVE OF THEM.

When the mom came home, she asked how the kids were in her absence.  I told her the truth and refused to babysit again.  True story.  She felt so badly she had her children walk to my house and each one apologized.  She asked again if I would babysit.  I said no.  Again.  For real.

Fast forward oh, 25 years or so.

I am Joan.  Her life is mine.  Not exactly.  But there are FIVE angels living in our home.  And frankly?  There are days I would run out the front door if my kids were dumping cereal, too.  They haven't actually tried it, but it may have to do with the fear of God.  Instilled in them every living hour.

Ok, that part is a joke...but it's a good thing we're Lutheran and saved by GRACE in this home.  Ain't nobody getting into heaven on their works around here.

At this present moment, one child is building robot wings and another must be watched at all times to make sure he doesn't test them out from a bedroom window.  Another is hiding a favorite snack in their room and they think I don't know.  One hangs weapons on their wall.  Explain THAT to the social worker, I dare you.

I used to think perfect parenting equaled a Martha Stewart home and kids in polos quietly reading Hardy Boy books.  Today, I asked my boys to empty and load the dishwasher and came back to find them sword fighting with wooden spoons they found on the top rack.  Later, I was given a much shorter wooden spoon.  "Casualty of war," they said.  "It's all fun and games until someone wants to stir," I replied.  At least they sanded the end for me.

This is my life.  People use it as their hashtag.  I was thinking of having it detailed onto the side of my SUV.

So if I invite you over, don't judge.  Feel the love (and let's be honest, the occasional irritation) between the many, many, many people living within these walls.  But whatever you do...

DON'T babysit.

Return to School

So life has a way of throwing curveballs.  If you would have told me last year after taking our kids out of school that this year they would be back in, I'd be stunned.  And confused.  But then again, I never thought we would be hit by a propane truck, either.  We're five months past the accident and I still have chronic, really painful headaches and they're ridiculously bad if I try to read or do anything remotely intelligent.  In early August, we began to wonder and pray if it was "fair" to the kids to keep them home if school work couldn't happen in the traditional sense.  We were shocked when just a day or so after we began to pray about it, Gabe came to us and asked if he could go to middle school in town.  Remember, this is the kid that BEGGED to homeschool.  He LOVED homeschooling, but something inside him made him want to try school again.  He said he felt ready.  He said he missed seeing his friends.  And the  clincher?  He showed us his Jesus wristband and said, "I love Jesus and I'm not afraid to say it!"  :-)

No, we don't think it will be all sunshine and roses, but we parent with a philosophy that takes what our kids feel seriously.  That don't call all the shots, but we've found that listening to where their heart is at tends to lead to decisions where we are have peace.

So, here is Gabe with a big braces smile.  He even asked if I wanted to walk him to the bus stop so I wouldn't cry.  Sniff sniff.

Noah...the SENIOR.  Incredible.  I remember when I couldn't wait for him to be grown up because he was such an exhausting little boy.  Lord, have mercy.  Now, I beg the second hands to slow down!  He's working at the local Chinese restaurant and finishing up his last courses before college.  Up this year?  Intro to Psych and an awesome class in World Leaders plus the regular core stuff.  One really cool thing we love about his school is how Noah's school incorporates a Christian world view into everything they teach.  This year Noah takes a health class and part of it will focus on his financial health as a young adult...how to budget, etc...and the biblical foundations for stewardship and giving are taught.  Love it!  

"Dad!  Be serious.  This is senior year.  No photo bombing, please."

 And then there are the girls....sigh.  Sweet little Mia headed to 3rd.

And our littlest headed to 2nd. These two were so EASY to have at home.  Sweet and loving and fun...and way ahead in their subjects by the end of the year.  Wonder if they'll be bored at school?

"Is mom already crying?  Can you see her out of the corner of your eye?  Moooom."
"Don't worry, Mom.  We can always hold hands when we see each other.  Just like this!"

The last to take off was Joe Cool.  He's doing Liberty High School Online in the mornings, a Christian virtual academy.  Then four afternoons a week, he heads downtown to study the upright bass.  He's already loving it.  Of course he is.

 

How fast they're growing!  Lord, help them to know your love in a deeper way this year and shine through them to others as they go into the world.  And help Randall and I to trust that you work all things for good....even public school.  :-)

Hiking With My Girls

I drove Mia and Violet up to Crawford Notch in the White Mountains of NH.  I've taken my sons to the White Mountains for the past six years.  This was the girls' first trip.
They've slept in a tent a few times:  Once or twice in the church yard. (basically our backyard.); One night at a state park in CT last summer.  They've demonstrated that they like it and have wanted more.  They've (mostly Mia) also been begging to "climb a mountain" "like the boys" for a few years.

A few things have kept us back from "climbing a mountain like the boys."  First, Violet has been having surgeries or recovering from surgeries since she came home.  She's finally ready.  We've also been curious to see what Mia could handle physically with Beta Thal.  Could she handle a real hard day? Would she tire easily?  Plus, Mia is just....well.......How do I put this? 

Mia is tough.  Seriously.  I get queasy just thinking about having a needle stuck in my arm.  She faces them down every week, sometimes twice in a week.  She lives with less hemoglobin than you or I do.  That means that she has less energy then you or me.  And she keeps on going.

With that said.....Well, she just hasn't been ready. :-)

But the girls are 8 now.  We went on a 4.5 mile hike in CT a few weeks ago and they did great.  But that's CT.  It's not the White Mountains.  The White Mountains are HARD.   But it was time to put them to the test.  And they passed beautifully!

They were amazing!  We hiked 8.5 miles in two days,  They climbed their first "4,000 footer," Mt. Jackson. (The first one the boys did five years ago.)  This is classic White Mountains hiking.  1000 ft/mile elevation gain with tons of rocks and roots.  They were tired and slept SOUNDLY last night.  But they got up eager for another three miles today to a beautiful waterfall.  They were even "all-in" for the steep scramble over rocks and roots to get to the top of the almost 200 foot falls. (see picture from top) I am so proud of them.  They did things that are not just challenging for 8 year olds,  (one with a prosthetic leg and the other with a blood condition) but went after hikes that would be challenging for many adults!

But I have to say......Hiking with girls is.....different.  They are different. I am different.  They are not boys.  Please don't hear what I'm not saying.  I'm NOT saying that girls can't do hard things, that girls aren't tough, that there aren't loads of athletic girls. etc. etc. etc.  But girls are different.  My girls are NOT my sons.  They do this differently than my sons.  I hike with them differently than I do my sons.  Maybe that's not a good thing.  But I tend to think it is normal--and good.

So what's different? Well, let's start with biology.  Pardon my bluntness....but boys and girls pee differently.  When you hike a few miles in the woods, sometimes you just have to "go."  There are not restrooms.   There are no outhouses.  There are just trees and rocks and roots.  I've had to teach my girls how to do this.  It's rather easy for boys.  Ladies.....you can easily understand the dilemma.  :-)  It's also quicker and easier to be discreet for boys.

What else is different? Well, my girls were a little more "dainty" when it comes to mud and puddles.  We all try to avoid them, but the girls a little more so. They were also a little more tentative in their approach. Eventually they realized that you're just going to get dirty, and they lived with it just fine.  But at first......:-)

The other differences are more about me than them.  I often hike in front of the boys.  I mostly hiked behind the girls.  I was more patient, more easy going with them.  I didn't care as much about our "time."  I didn't push them as hard.    I held their hands (when they wanted and trail width permitted.)  I was quicker to slow down or stop or rest.  Not that they needed me to or asked me to.  Actually, they whined a whole lot less than my sons on certain comparable trips. Ha! 

Maybe I just wanted them to enjoy it and want to do it again.  But there's more to it than that.  I felt more "protective" of them.  I want the boys to "suck it up" and "go for it."  The girls?  They're my girls.  I didn't coddle them.  I want them to be strong and bold.  (I wouldn't have taken them if I didn't.)  But I approached it differently. 

Three Vacations

This is a crazy weekend for our family.  We're all on vacation--but in three different places!  Jessemyn is with her mom and sisters in Prince Edward Island (celebrating a certain birthday ;-)). The boys are with their Opa in the Buffalo/Niagara area touring his old stomping grounds.  I went camping and hiking with the girls up in New Hampshire.

We've not had great communication with each other between dead cell spots and international travel (Canada still doesn't feel "international") but from what I can tell all are having a great time.

Graduation

This guy?  Graduated 8th grade.  I'm not a crying kind of mom, but I'm not ready for this guy to go off to high school because after that comes college and after that...gulp...he's delightful and sweet and funny and Joe COOL.  He pulled his long, lean self across that stage all shy-like and I could still see the little preschooler who wore his cowboy boots and Buzz Lightyear sweatshirt everywhere in all seasons, his little round hand in mine everywhere we went.  He had my heart at hello.  

This fall he will spend his mornings doing virtual academy for his core classes at home and his afternoons at the Academy of the Arts studying the upright bass.  Good thing he plays the bass.  I can fit inside the case and go with him and he won't even notice.  Ahem.

We're so proud of you, Joseph.  You're growing into an incredible man.  Follow Jesus.  Shine your light.  We'll be watching and cheering you on!

So Much Joy!

We've been busy around here!  Meet Vanilla Bean, Gabe's Mini Lop.  He's in love.  Can you tell?  And what's not to love with a face like this?

 Lots of love...lots of energy...lots of happiness...brings joy to this mama's heart!

 Mia just played in her first recital!  She wasn't nervous at all as she played "Twinkle Twinkle."  She's now graduated and is ready to move into Book One! 

 

This little honey is as sweet as sugar.  She's been suffering daily headaches since the car accident, yet never complains.  

 

Poor little thing!  She has even been caught....wait for it...singing!  For kids adopted at older ages, it can take a long time (or never) for kids to find joy.  Yet Violet displays true signs of being happy!  And lately, she's even been caught dancing and singing!  It is adorable and yes, I sometimes get teary.

14?!  Seriously?!  He had to turn 14?!  I cannot.even.  And then he didn't even want a cake.  Just a dessert.  No cutesy cakes with sprinkles.  He was good with gifts, though.  Guess that means we'll be celebrating for a few more years.  ;-)

Speaking of celebrating, I sewed my first real something that didn't have all straight seams!  Thanks to a sweet (and very patient) friend, Mia now has new summer nightgown in the period style of her American girl, Caroline...without the $68 AG price tag.  Good thing I don't pay myself per hour.  ha!

The sweet sisters.  Can you even handle the the cuteness?  And no...we did not clean for pictures.  They keep their room this way.  The boy/girl difference.  Or is it just our bio kids inherited genes for disorder and chaos?  Hmmm

 

And then there are these two hams...they've been busy selling papes...Noah enjoyed playing Jack in his schools first attempt at a musical.  Randall had fun with a little cameo role.  I enjoyed watching father and son together.  Won't be forever that they can do this.   sniff sniff.

Busy days, blessed days.  So much good.  Yes, daily there are still headaches and concussions to deal with, but how can we not be filled with joy with gifts like these?  Thank you, God!