Pics From Eagleville Pond

Kayaking With N.

What a Week! I've been Kayaking TWICE! I think I've already been out more this spring than ALL of last year. Nice. Today I picked my son up from school with a chance of clothes for him and the kayaks on the mini-van roof. Off we went to Eagleville Pond in Eastern CT. It was a nice paddle. Noah did great, though we did lose each other for about 20 minutes or so. It was a maze of waterways and we each took a different fork and didn't see the other one go. Hard to explain but easy to do. We found each other though and all was well. :-)

More Kayaking Pics

Kayaking With My Brother

I LOVE to Kayak. (R) When I turned 30, my beautiful and wonderful wife surprised me with a kayak. WOW! I've enjoyed it ever since. The kayak was picked because you could fit a small child in front. It's an "open cockpit." My oldest sons no longer fit. They've taken it out in small ponds all by themselves with me watching from the shore. They did great. We figured it was time to add to the fleet. So....

Jessemyn had been watching "Craig's List" and discovered a great deal for a kayak with paddle for $150. cool.

This week, I had a pastor's conference out on Cape Cod and loaded both kayaks onto the mini-van to use with my brother during a few free hours we had on Tuesday afternoon. Here are some pics of our adventure in Cape Cod National Seashore. We put in at Salt Pond and paddled out into Salt Pond Bay toward the Atlantic. it was AWESOME!

Apparently

Not only can my son grocery shop, he can leave a comment on our blog. I'm feeling REALLY old this morning. :-)

Between the Aisles

Some moms cry when their children get on the bus for the first time. With our oldest, I didn't. I was ready. He was ready. We were both...ready. And I still had two little boys at home to keep me really busy.

But today. I got all teary at the darndest thing. My son went grocery shopping.

It was one of those days when little M had been carted along on too many errands for things others needed. She was wiped and fell asleep in her car seat. So asleep that I got her out of the car seat, carried her through the store on yet another errand, and she continued sleeping. Back into the car seat...asleep once more. But there was one stop left! A needed grocery store stop. I couldn't stand to wake her up again.

N piped up, "Mom, I can do the shopping." I looked at him. Wasn't this my little boy? I looked at my son. His crooked glasses and static-spiky hair has been replaced by Mr. Cool Middle Schooler hair and clothes. I sighed.

"Really?" I squeaked. "You're comfortable with that?"

I told him we needed pasta sauce.

"Do you want organic or regular? Garlic or mushroom?"

"While you're there I suppose you could grab a loaf of bread to go with it."

"Sure, Mom. Do you want Ciabatta or Italian or French? I'll just feel the loaves for ones that crispy on the outside, but soft on the inside."

"You could also grab some parmesan cheese. We're low."

"Canned or freshly grated?"

Something tells me he was ready for the responsibility.

We went to our small town grocery with 12 aisles. I watched the doors like a hawk. He was fine. More than fine. He saw people he knew and stopped to chat, of course. When he returned, I heard all about how the school nurse was, as well as a family from church.

Sometimes I think I'm looking for major milestones to mark my kids' childhood. But sometimes they grow up in the smaller things. Like between aisles 10 and 12.

Then and Now

When I look back at M's referral pictures, I find myself looking into her eyes. What was she thinking? Feeling?

The difference in her countenance is astounding to me. A testimony to God's goodness.

I'm into being real

I'm into being real. As a pastor's wife, I know I've thrown people when I've responded like any normal person might...some people still think all we do is sit in our living room and recite Psalms at night. Not exactly. :-)

So here's the reality of adoption. It's absolutely amazing. And hard.

Last night, M had another bout with night terrors. 40 minutes of screaming and writhing while sound asleep. There's not a thing you can do to wake her up. It looks like a massive temper tantrum, but it isn't. She sounds angry, but looks scared. All we can do is assure her we're there in case she somehow knows while she's sleeping. And make sure she's safe. The poor thing cries herself nearly to physical sickness.

We haven't found parenting an adopted child to be any harder physically or emotionally than parenting our bio boys. It's just...different.

N had two night terrors as a 3 year old. But we KNEW N so well. We understood him. With M, there is a whole past of which we know nothing about. So when things that any child can do surface, there is often a component of "what part of this behavior comes from her past?" Sometimes that question changes our response to the issue and sometimes it doesn't. But it takes mental energy to think it through.

All of our kids deserve our best parenting. They are all unique and require individualized parenting. Yes, the same rules apply to all of them. But how we shepherd each of them can look very different.

On the surface, M looks so much like little girls her age. But as parents, we see her struggles to speak, her uncertainty in reaching out to others, how quickly she pulls into her little emotional shell. She's come so very far, but healing isn't a fast or easy thing.

And so....we keep on loving. As hard as last night was, she makes it so easy. One look in her sweet little eyes and we're putty.

Reality

So raising a girl is a beautiful experience. A privilege. An honor.

BUT

I've hit a wall. A parenting roadblock. A maddening struggle.

It's my flesh vs. hers.

The girl can't STAND pain. Or irritation that looks like pain of any sort. A scratch. A brush burn. A DROP of blood.

Remember the brush burn at the baseball game? She woke up the next morning, saw the brushburn remained and bawled for a half an hour all over again! After church, the bandaid fell off...sobbing. I mean SOBBING.

And that is where my flesh meets hers.

There are some parenting things I do well. I now realize handling a daughter in despair over something not worth the drama is not one of them. I'm compassionate for what feels like an appropriate length of time. Then I'm done. The compassion is gone replaced with annoyance. And frustration. And words like, "If you cannot stop crying about this, you need to go cry in your room. I am done listening to it."

I actually asked myself what Jesus would do. M REALLY is bothered by these things. It would seem that love would hold her longer than I do. So I'm thinking about this today. And praying about this today.

You see, today

M woke up with three huge mosquito bites.

God help us all.

:-)

Sunday Morning

A beautiful day greeted us today! M was so excited to wear her special dress from her favorite great aunt. In M's words, "Same Cinderella get married uh, uh, uh prince dress! Momma get married dress! Me, too!"

I even caught the twirl on camera!

Opening Day 2010

The........Yankees Win!

Well, not the Yankees, but the Dodgers and the Rockies did! N and J both won their opening Little League games yesterday and were thrilled!

J played his first game EVER! Coach has him playing 1st base. First time up to bat...a hit! Second time up...a hit to the outfield! I guess J's been holding out on us. :-)

N's team beat their opponents 11-1, with N most enjoying his stolen base in the middle of the game.




The littles enjoyed their time with a picnic dinner and running between the two fields...that is until Miss M fell DOWN THE HILL. She got an enormous brush burn and would not be consoled. Eventually, Mom left with the little ones while Dad stayed with J to watch the final inning of N's game.

Here's the face with the sob. Yes, I hugged and kissed her first...but this is her STILL CRYING 30 minutes AFTER that fall. Girls.